


Recovery

by Morethancupcake



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Phil Coulson, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Misunderstandings, Old Friends, Recovery, Stony hinted, They're all therapists of sort here, Veteran Phil Coulson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 07:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11550630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: "Losing time on what ifs is not his style. But when he opens the door of his office and see Phil sitting on the small waiting room, he can't help but feel a pang of nostalgia, of hope."Phil asks Clint for his help.





	Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a birthday gift (a very LATE birthday gift) to the wonderful @thegirlinthebyakko (http://thegirlinthebyakko.tumblr.com) but unfortunately life (my trip to the ER especially) happened, and this is where my mind went.
> 
> Mistakes all mine. English still isn't my first language, and painkillers makes it pretty difficult to concentrate on actual words.
> 
> Crossposted on Tumblr. http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/163183082844/recovery

Clint doesn't really miss his old job.

Sure, he misses the few friends he made, the easy banter, the jokes. 

He misses working with Jasper, training the newbies. 

So of course, sometimes, he feels a little nostalgic.

Sometimes, he lets himself think about another life, one before the accident, one where he would've find the courage to go after what he really wanted.

Losing time on what ifs is not his style.

 

But when he opens the door of his office and see Phil sitting on the small waiting room, he can't help but feel a pang of nostalgia, of hope.

Of want.

 

Phil limps. Heavily. He leans on his cane and visibly sighs when he sits in the chair Clint points out to him. Clint tries to keep his mask, professional, composed, but he's pretty sure Phil isn't allowed out without a wheelchair, in this state.

“I had no idea you were my first of the day. I would've tried to impress the boss.” Phil rolls his eyes, and Clint can't help but grin. They were friends. At least. 

“I admit scheduling under a different name. I didn't want any... favor.” Clint lifts an eyebrow at that. “I just...” Phil sighs again. He looks tired. Old. “I just need your help.”

 

Clint is good at what he does. Crazy good. It's not ego, it's a fact. His focus on the job translates well into this new field. He reads people, he sees what they need, how they need it, and the rest, the nutrition, the PT, it's just research and training.

Phil's list of injury is detailed, and painful to hear. Clint takes notes, and quickly scans the pages on the file Phil hands him, his mind already filling the blank.

Phil tells him about his leg, and Clint thinks about the stiffness in his back. Phil tells him about the painkillers, and Clint guesses the heartburns. Phil lists everything, and Clint can almost hear it. Depression. If Phil isn't there, it's close.

“I am not a guru, Boss.” He keeps the nickname, and Phil actually smiles, losing the stress lines, the clenched jaw. “I don't do miracles. But with you, I can try to find ways to make this recovery better. I work with people. Specialists. So you need to tell me what you want, and I'll make it happen, okay ?”

“It sounds reasonable.” Phil moves his leg, and makes a face when his body doesn't seem to follow. “Is there anything you can do for my back ?”

“I know just the guy.”

Phil loves Tony. He hides it, of course, but Clint knows him well, and he knows the small indulgent smile and the roll of eyes means Tony is stamped safe, amusing.

He remembers that smile, it reminds him of the first days.

Tony works his magic, and when Phil leaves after his session, the heavy lines on his face are gone.

 

“Is Tony single ?” Clint has to laugh when Phil sits on his office, a week after their first appointment. He looks better, and he doesn't sit half hunched on the chair. It's a great start.

“You'll have to get in line, you're not the first he magically heals with his hands.”

“That's not a no.” Phil moves his shoulders, and Clint can't help but notice the muscles rolling under the cotton. 

“That's not a no, but he has an on-going bromance with Thor, and it would break my heart not to see them geek together every day.” Phil accepts the cup of tea, and they both take a sip. “Okay, so you read the plan I sent you ?”

“I did.”

“Any tweaks ? Any hesitations ?” Clint tries to keep his tone light. “I know you were focused on the pragmatic approach, that's why Tony was the best match for you, but given the nature of your injuries...”

“Barton, cut the crap. You want me to see a therapist.” 

“Boss, you can't be mean to me in my own office !” 

It's good to laugh, it's like the old days, Clint with his giant crush, and Phil lightly teasing him.

“The office sent me to a therapist. It's not my style.” Clint opens his mouth to protest. “But -let me finish Barton - But I wouldn't mind trying someone from your team.”

“Great. Because he's ready to see you in five minutes, and Steve hates when we're late.”

 

Phil schedules another appointment two days after, and when Clint opens the door he looks a little different. His eyes are red, but Clint knows from the small feedback he got from Steve the session was good and needed, so he tries not to focus on it.

Phil apologizes for leaving without saying goodbye, they exchange platitudes about life.

“I want you to help me change my diet.”

“... okay.” Clint nods a few times, a little frown on his face. “Not that I'm not thrilled, seeing your latest blood results, but can I ask why ?”

“Is my health not enough ?” Phil snaps, and then looks contrite. Clint isn't sure he ever saw him like that. Petulant almost.

“It is, and as I said, I'll be happy to help you with that, but I feel like there's something you're not telling me here, Phil.”

Phil turns his head and looks at the small garden, outside. Clint studies him, the lines on his shoulders, the unhappy turn of his lips.

“There's a lot of things I wanted to do, my whole life, it feels like.” Phil brushes a hand on his face. “I've always been interested in a plant based diet, but never found the courage to go on. Same goes for yoga. For running outside. Fuck, even for holidays. There's a whole list of things I wanted to do, one day. I am not too old, damn it !” Phil's hand is shaking and Clint looks away, because the pain is too raw, and he feels almost like an intruder for a second.

“I guess your session with Steve helped a little ?”

“I'm seeing with twice a week. We need... to work on things.” Phil accepts the tissue box with a dejected smile. 

“Well I'm not sure we can send you running just now, but I can definitely help you with the diet part, that's the main focus of my training. And we do have a wonderful yoga instructor on site.”

“I'm sure they'll love to work with this mess.” 

“Don't let Nat hear you say that.”

 

“I want to apologize. About last time.” Phil looks rested, and relaxed when Clint meets him at his door, on Friday afternoon. He usually tries to avoid going to his client's homes, but Phil is a friend, and he's been there a few times, years ago.

That, and his blatant crush. Love, if he's being honest.

“Phil, you have nothing to apologize for. You're under a lot of stress, it happens. We don't dwell on negative things, we move on.”

“Are you using my speech on me, Barton ?”

“I do and it feels so good, Sir.”

The house is life he remembered. Tidy, nice, smelling fresh and like Phil, like his laundry, his cologne. Clint remembers beers with the team, pizza nights in front of the TV. It's been so long, but his heart still jumps when Phil brushes past him.

His moves are a little slow, but he guesses it's more after yoga soreness than actually pain, so he doesn't comment.

“I ordered everything from your list. The recipes looked pretty easy. I feel like it's something I could do.”

“You weren't lying about studying the subject.” Clint spots a collection of book on clean eating, plant based recipes. “I figured I could help you cook two or three times a week. Answer your questions and show you how simple it is.”

“I do feel a little intimidated.” Phil hands him the recipe he picked for today. “But seeing how amazing you look, I can't not try.”

“Why, flattery will get you anywhere, Boss.” Clint knows it's just a joke, but he feels himself blush, and focuses on the book in his hand, trying not to think too much. It's an old game, and just because Phil is suddenly here, in his life, it doesn't change some facts.

Like... Straight.

“I am joking, but you do follow a plant based diet, right ? I think it's stated on your website.” Phil shows him the bar, where everything is nicely spread for them to use. He takes a seat, and Clint does to, not to make him feel awkward.

“I am. Started when Tasha told me it could help with my recovery. Then I started to study and it made no sense not to practice what I wanted to preach. We all are, at the office. Makes it easier to keep the same line with our clients.”

“Are Steve and Tony a couple ?” Clint almost drops the knife he was using, and sends half of his red onion flying into Phil's lap. “Sorry, am I not supposed to ask ? I am a patient after all.”

“Well, I'll let you on this one.” Clint can't help but shake his head. “Truth is I don't know. And I don't ask.”

“Because you're the boss ?” He looks surprised at Clint's full body laugh.

“I am not the boss, Phil, or if I am, it's only in theory. We all put money in the center. I have nothing to say to my colleagues about their personal lives. But...” He takes back the other half of the onion and winks. “If we're being gossipy, I'll admit Steve's attempt at wooing our resident massage therapy genius are adorable.”

“So no massage husband for me.” It makes them both chuckle. “I'm sorry, it's highly inappropriate. You are, after all, my coach.”

“We never were good at this appropriate stuff, uh ?” Clint tries not to let his voice go too deep into flirting category, but he can't help it, it's been years, and the want is still there, still fresh. “Okay, now please tell me you have a rice cooker.”

 

Phil looks happy at the three different dishes they cook and pack for the days coming. 

It's weird, in a way, because it's not the old Coulson, always in control, serious, sarcastic, but it's not the same man who cried in his office, either.

Clint wonders if accepting to work with him was a mistake, if he's too compromised to stay in control when Phil says.

“I want to apologize. For not keeping in touch.” He washes the last plate and busies himself with wiping the sink. “You were in a bad place, and I let you down.”

“Phil...”

“No. Please.” Phil looks upset, and Clint knows it's probably part of the things he has to deal with in therapy, and it does make the situation difficult, because it hurts, to hear him say it like that. “You were my friend. You were the most important part in my life, and when you got hurt, and reacted badly.”

“You did.” Clint studies the tip on his trainers, because he doesn't really want to remember it. The days in hospital, one hear completely busted, his face in cotton wool and no one to hold his hand when he had to think about a new life.

“There hasn't been a day since when I didn't regret the way I behaved. I need you to believe me.”

“You were busy...”

“Clint.” Phil grabs his shoulder, and after a second they're hugging and it's too raw to be comfortable, but Clint holds onto him because the alternative, letting go, is not something he wants to think about. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Boss.”

 

When Phil arrives for his next appointment, Clint sends him directly to Thor. He knows their gentle giant will do wonders, he knows what Phil needs is just to let go, and Thor's massage, relaxing and soft is just what he needs.

He's at his third coffee when Tony drags him into his own office and works on the migraine he can't seem to fight by himself. When he finally opens his eyes, Phil is gone.

 

Clint catches the flu. He avoids everyone and stays in bed, mostly because they all watch him like they know something he doesn't, and it's infuriating because he's well aware of his own misery.

He heats up a bowl of vegetable soup and remember the good old days, watching Phil date beautiful women, strong, independent. 

He remembers the heartbreak, every fucking time.

He spends his day under the covers, coughing and trying not to think.

 

“Clint.” Phil loses his smile, and actually stops to talk to him. He's on his way to his daily session with Nat, Clint knows. He prides himself in following his clients' progress, and Phil is doing amazingly. “You really were sick.”

“Thought I was skipping school ?” His voice is still a little too rough, and he knows he looks a little worse to wear, but Clint actually feels better for the first time in what feels days. It's his first time back in the center, and so far only Steve threatened to drag him back into bed.

“I wondered. If Tony being my new referent had something to do with our talk.” Phil looks at him with an honesty Clint isn't sure what to make of. There's something more, something he doesn't get.

“Well you wanted to marry him, remember ?” Both Steve and Thor, passing by, fail to hide their smiles at the joke. “I'm sorry, you know how it is. I don't get sick often, but when I do...”

“I remember that about you.” Phil almost reach for him, but seems to realize where they are. “Tony told me about that amazing Indian restaurant, and I was wondering about testing it tonight. Would you like to join me ?”

“Well...” Clint never was careful with his heart. “Yeah, definitely. You want me to pick you up, or...?”

“I was thinking about delivery, actually. We could watch TV, drink a few beers, just like old times.” 

Clint remember the longing, hearing Phil's little mentions about his life.

“Sure, I'll be there at eight.”

 

He changes his shirt three times, and takes another shower, just to be sure. He knows it's not a date, he knows, but he feeds Lucky earlier, just in case, and he tries to tell himself not to get excited, not to hope.

 

Phil opens the door and Clint notices everything. The shirt, nice and open just enough. The aftershave. Phil's hand on his back, guiding him to the couch.

And because he's tired, of because he's spent years hoping for something that wasn't going to happen, he jokes.

“Well Boss, last time someone actually put so much effort, I got laid.” It's big, and he grins, because he waits for it, Phil rolling his eyes, telling him to shut up.

“Well I was hoping we could order first.”

 

“Barton, please tell me you know this is a date.”

“It is ?” Clint looks at the beer, waiting for him. Phil has shaved, and he's pretty sure there's fresh linen on a bed, somewhere, just in case. “But you're straight !”

“Not really ?” Phil chuckles and he bites his lips to prevent a giggle, and Clint can't help but laugh too, because it's is just like them, not to manage the most simple thing. “Okay, Barton, food ?”

“Food.”

 

“Okay so I might reconsider my wedding plans. Tony has amazing taste in food.” Phil finishes the last bite of his dahl, and Clint knows he actually considers licking his fingers. He cleans his plate with the last chapati instead. 

“Not even a date, and you're already cheating on me with my friend, how sad.” He deadpans, pushing the last of the garlic naan in his mouth.

It's good. It's like the old days, spicy food, too much garlic, and beer, and their feet on the coffee table.

But it's also feeding Phil, and getting hand fed in return. It's small admissions, like “I saw you in that office and I knew, I just knew”, like “I always wanted to just grab you and shake you, make you see I was just here”, like “Clint, you were always the brightest part of my life”.

It's bad Reality TV, and kisses tasting like chili and cilantro, and Phil's quiet confession “I probably won't be able to do much with alcohol and my meds”, and Clint quiet reassurance “This is not that kind of date, Phil. We're more than that”.

It's sending a text begging Steve to take care of Lucky in the morning.

 

Clint wakes up first.

There's nothing to be proud of, he does, after all, sleep wonderfully when resting on his only good hear. That, and feeling Phil's body close to him, keeping him safe.

And sure, waking up after a few shared orgasms would be nice, but waking up in Phil's bed, after a night of soft kisses and I love yous means even more.

That's why he fishes for a shirt, and a pair of sweats, because he figures he's allowed, and goes to the kitchen where he locates everything he needs for banana pancakes.

 

“There are plant based ?” Phil's eyes are almost closed, and his limp is a little heavier. 

“Yup. Four ingredients. Five if you count love. Sit down, I'll get you coffee.” 

“These are plant based.” Phil grunts and drags the plate in front of him, looking almost offended by the pancakes.

“Okay you need time to wake up. Didn't know that.”

 

They're back in bed with two fresh cups of coffee, ready to just go back to sleep, or just to be completely lazy, when Clint asks.

“Were you really interested in what we were doing ?” It bothers him a little. He knows Phil is better. He knows the therapy is going well, and his daily sessions with Natasha are helping Phil tremendously. But he hopes this wasn't just a charade to get him.

“You are the best at what you do, Clint.” Phil looks at him, soft, pliant almost. It's a great look on him. “Remember what you said when I first came in ?” 

“Tell me ?”

“No matter what I wanted, I just had to ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ! I hope you liked it :) Please give me kudos and a nice comment ? It means the world.
> 
> While I have your attention, please remember to stretch your face and your shoulders, and try to get a glass of water. Happy summer !


End file.
